Sunrises inspire new beginnings: Life with an invisible disability - A-M Mawhiney

In my digital photo album, I have over 900 photographs of sunrises.

I find sunrises inspiring. Each one is unique, with different colours, moods, and the promise of a new dawn. They remind me that change can be beautiful, illuminating even, as each morning brings light to the inky darkness. Sunrises also remind us of new beginnings. Each day begins with an opportunity to move forward. Some sunrises warn of unpredictable stormy weather: even on a day where we know what our plans are, the unexpected can change everything.

Recently, I was walking with a friend who had just finished reading Fugitive Rifts. She commented that the four main characters in my latest novel reflect various parts of my own life. And she is right. Ollie becomes an art therapist. My first job was as a mental health social worker. I am a loyal basketball fan, although I never played the game—to put it kindly— since I am no athlete. Grace wants to play professional basketball. Dottie aspires to become a researcher; I was a professor/researcher who was part of a social change project in a small part of the world with ripples to other places.

As for Drew, well, he and I share the experience of having had a life-changing disastrous event that shattered our dreams. Mine was a fall down a flight of stairs that resulted in multiple injuries including a serious head injury.

After three months, when my symptoms did not clear, a psychologist friend recommended neurofeedback sessions that I know played an important role in my recovery. I recommend this course of treatment for brain injuries, available from trained professionals supervised by a registered psychologist (In this part of Canada, at least.)

For a few reasons, including my need for workplace accommodation, my workplace created a job for me that allowed me to work on special projects with flexible hours. My supervisor established a work climate that provided me with peer support and emotional safety without disclosing my medical condition, although I was transparent about what had occurred.

The first month I returned to work, after a twelve-month leave, I sat in my office staring at the wall reminding myself that I used to breeze through similar projects and I just needed to begin. It took a few weeks before I prepared a four-page document, that outlined the fame plan for the project. For me, this was miraculous because this project also became a part of my healing journey.

Just as it is possible to fill in or paper over a crack in the wall so it is invisible, the reality is the crack is still there, albeit superficially back to its former state. There remains a concern that the crack may re-appear. This, too, is my reality. Another fall has the potential to be catastrophic. And although on good days I seem okay, there are still times when I say or do something that elicits baffled looks.

While I have rebuilt my life, I am not the same as I was and it took a long time for me to accept this. And, still, some people want me to be the ‘old me’ and are annoyed when I don’t live up to their image of me instead of understanding the ‘real’ me is the way I am now. I often find myself papering over or masking my realities for them because it seems easier.

I retired in February 2018 and noticed that the slower pace has meant fewer post-concussion events. But they still do occur. For example, I still have moments when I can’t find words when I am tired. But the slower pace has also allowed me to write, something I feared I would never regain when I was first told my original assessment results.

Like my four characters in Fugitive Rifts, I came through a very long, dark time until one day dawn broke, lighting the way to an amazing new path, inspired by my childhood wish to become a self-published writer.

I know many people are unable to recover after a life-changing event and I do recognize how fortunate I have been. I treat every day as a gift because my recovery could have followed a different, dark path.

For me, life has a beauty and a brightness again that, at times over this journey of healing, seemed impossible to hope for. Seventeen years ago, my world grew dark and, as I lost consciousness when I landed at the bottom of the stairs, my last thought was wondering if I would ever wake up. It is only in the last few years that I have found hope and a renewed way forward that has heart for me. It took a lot of energy to mask what I was really going through for all the years in between.

If you are going through a challenge and feel like nothing will ever be right again, please remind yourself that change can take time, and baby steps, and overcoming obstacles. Be patient with yourself. Sometimes positive change can also occur rapidly. Facing challenges is a difficult journey and finding supports—friends, professionals, and random people you meet along the way—can help light the way forward.

At age eight A-M Mawhiney announced she wanted to be an author. It only took sixty years. Her career, first as a social worker and then as a university professor and senior administrator, ended with her retirement in 2018. She began writing again during the first lockdown in 2020. To her surprise she found herself writing her first novel, Spindrifts. which was a finalist in the 8th annual Rakuten Kobo Emerging Writers’ Prize and shortlisted for the Whistler Independent Book Awards in 2022. Its sequel, Spelldrifts, was released in 2023, and her latest book, Fugitive Rifts, was published in July 2025. When she isn’t writing A-M enjoys reading, taking in local basketball games, time with family and friends, and travelling. She lives in Sudbury, Ontario with her partner Dave.

Find out more at www.ammawhiney.ca & @ammawhiney.

Article published in The Relatable Voice Magazine - August 2026. Download the full magazine at https://www.relatable-media.com/the-relatable-voice-magazine.